In Loving Memory

Assalamualikum,

Today on this date, 4 years ago she passed away leaving her parents & siblings at the age of 27. And she became national news - murdered by a jealous ex-boyfriend. She was my cousin.
She died just 1 week before receiving her Masters degree. She died one week after buying a new car. I can't tell you how it feels to lose someone close to you that way. I remember that day when my mother told me the news. She died 6 months after my grandfather passed away.

I just came home around Maghrib after class when my mother told me,

"Huda, Kak Ayu dah meninggal".

I was like, "Ha?! Kak Ayu mana ni? Betul ke Kak Ayu? Bila dia meninggal? Kenapa?!"

I was in total disbelief. I thought my mother mentioned the wrong person. But seing my mothers red eyes confirmed the truth. I heard my uncle was the last to see her alive at the hospital bed. My aunt & her other siblings didn't manage to. How devastating for them. Since then, there was not a day were my aunt never shed her tears over her eldest daughter.

The man responsible for the murder is in jail. But the final verdict has not been reached yet. The case is still ongoing. My uncle never fails to attend the court hearing. Harian Metro sometimes carry the court story.

I remembered my cousin or Kak Ayu as a very determined & focused person. Her mother & my mother are sisters. Kak Ayu was 2 years older than I am. In fact Kak Ayu was my idol of some sort. When I was in standard 6, I wanted to be like her. She went to MRSM Taiping to do her Form 4 & 5. She wanted to study overseas but did not manage to do so. Till know I'm still inspired by her. During the last year before her death when we all 'balik kampung' to Mersing, Johor, I always saw her studying DNA as she was taking Masters in Genetics. I can recall her voice vividly, her laughter until today. Her favourite or a must eat menu when 'balik Mersing' will be Maggi Mee.

Since her death, my aunt & uncle never fails to visit her grave every day. To lose a baby that you had for a few days is hard, what more losing a child that you raised for 27 years, it's even harder because you have so much memory of her/him. You have photos of them growing up, their achievements, their joy, their birthdays, and so on. Going to my aunt's house now, I can hardly see any pictures of Kak Ayu anymore in the house. I guest it's difficult for the whole family. Even to mention her name is hard.

As my late grandmother advised us, never turn back when you have begun your journey if you left something behind. It's bad luck. It's not bad luck per-se. But the psychological effect of it. You will feel,"Oh, how did I forget to bring along..." and the you will feel unsettled and not focused on the road. In Kak Ayu's case she did turn back halfway on her journey back to her parents house that night. But to me it's not because of bad luck but because Allah has set that her time on earth is up.

I pray that Kak Ayu died a 'syahid' as she was defending for her life when she died.

Al-Fatihah to Kak Ayu. You will always be in our loving memory...